What Do Cats Love About Christmas?
Steve has finally agreed to me doing a “guest post” on his blog. Honestly, it’s all he ever does these days – blog, blog, blog…and usually accompanied by the sound of wine – glug, glug, glug! Anyway…
He told me it had to be a post about Christmas as that’s what would get the most traffic this time of year. I dunno, he says he does it for the love of it but I think secretly he’s a stats freak.
Since he is the one who feeds me I had to comply so Christmas it is…
I pretend I hate Christmas, well some people might say I hate everything but I don’t. I love Christmas and I will tell you for why…
(1) I Get To Wear Clothes
Every holiday, every opportunity these crazy humans think it’s fun to dress me up. I may scratch and hiss while they put a new outfit on me but I love it in the end. I don’t look like I do but you have to remember that I’m a cat and don’t have the mouth function required to smile when my photo is taken…
This photo makes me laugh every time I see it for a very different reason.
Steve was practising printing photos and chose to print this one. He then went on a training course for work and Greg thought it would be funny to put this photo in his suitcase. Steve never noticed and it dropped out in his hotel room. He came back to his room and the maid had put it face down on the bedside table. I don’t know whether to laugh at what the maid must have thought or be annoyed that she put my photo face down!
(2) I Have A Sparkly Playground
Why no one invents a Christmas Tree scratching post is beyond me. I can’t wait for that thing to be put up. I can climb it, I can steal baubles from it and claim them as cat toys and there’s usually a cat food smelling box underneath it for me to try to open up.
(3) I Get Toys
Every year, without fail Steve and Greg get conned by various companies charging for too much for “cat Xmas pressies”. I don’t give a shit though, I’ve had a fun biscuit ball, numerous little mouses and this year I (we) are getting these brilliant new collars with our names on in sparkly letters. Seriously guys, you hide your gifts from each other until the big day so why leave ours out in plain sight? We’re cats, we’re not blind!
(4) Little Sausages
OMG the food. They complain that they are getting fat. Well, no wonder when you see how much food they prepare – even more so at Christmas. It’s a bit crap that I have to wait until they choose to feed me, and they can go into that big food machine at any time and take out what they want!
Not to worry, quite often what they are eating looks gross anyway and I wouldn’t thank them for it. Seriously, what’s crispy pancakes anyway? However, at Christmas they become very generous and I love hearing the word “Bingo, do you want a little sausage?” and I’m like hello, do my shits stink? Of course I want a little sausage and make sure it’s wrapped up in bacon please!
(5) My Family
I love Christmas even more these days because up until a few years ago I had to go and spend a few days just with Greg at his mum’s house.
I really missed Steve!
I pretended I hated it there pretty much because, well, I actually f****** hated it there! Greg’s mum was lovely but her cats just annoyed me, you know? Now, though, we all spend Christmas together in our nice, new big house. Yes, sadly Disco and Aggie are there too but they knows I love them really…
If Steve really wanted to he could take a nice Christmas photo of us all this year…scratch that – remember we are cats and we don’t wear funny clothes and pose for the camera when you want us to – no, we wait until you are out and have our own little photo shoot!
So, no doubt he’ll do some poor attempt at photo editing and add some Christmas hats to us all or something equally lame…
Merry Christmas cats!
Lots of love and paw kisses…Bingo xxx
P.S. I have no idea why Steve gets so excited about these posts, I’ve been on this for half an hour and my claws have not been satisfied once – what a shit scratching post!
P.P.S. Steve told me I had to thank Hugh for the inspiration for this post but I’m a cat and I don’t do orders!
P.P.P.oh whatever – I want lots of reblogs, retweets and re-whatever the hell will get me as famous as Grumpy Cat!
As it is Christmas make sure you get your Ugly Christmas Sweater in time. Click the image below for the best range I have ever seen!
This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive commission on any purchases.