Haylee Says…Pointlessly Extravagant Gifts: A Guide to a ‘Bling’ Crosby Christmas!

Bling Crosby

A ‘Bling’ Cosby Christmas

Unless they’ve just stepped out of a Dickensian novel, most who celebrate Christmas will be hoping for a little more than an orange or (far worse) a piece of coal in their stockings this holiday season.

Because let’s face it, Chrimble these days is a very commercial affair, with every outlet vying to put a serious dent in the wallet and parents to partners stressing over whether they’ve bought helped Santa prepare the correct gifts!

But what if you’re at the other end of the monetary scale and can splurge on your loved ones? I’m not talking a fairy-tale castle in the Alps or buying your own private island – I’m sure nobody would mind receiving a gift of that nature from the resident billionaire! Instead, this guide promises a pointless array of trinkets and everyday objects that have an extra dash of pizazz and bedazzlement…and zeros on the price tag!

It isn’t Christmas without a bit of ‘Bling’ Crosby after all. 😉

FOR THE FOODIES

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A little afternoon tea ma’am? How would you like to take that? With or without GOLD SUGAR?

Yes, you can posh up your cuppa with the ultimate sweetener – every granule is coated in real, edible 24 carat gold, yet they seem to be so exclusive for a box of three I can’t even find a price.

If it doesn’t have a price, it’s too expensive. That’s what I was always taught!

What if afternoon tea is a little too high-brow for you and you gained your millions after a surprise win in the local chip shop syndicate? Well, Harrods has you covered with every students’ guilty pleasure snack in opulent form – The Posh Pot Noodle: Gold Edition (I may or may not have made up some of the product’s name…)

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At £30 (so not even breaking the bank), you can get the filthy, gorgeous taste (yes, I like Pot Noodles) in a green velvet tub that arrives in a satin-lined box with its own fork, napkin and napkin ring. I wonder if the sauce sachet is caviar…

FOR YOUR HOUSE-PROUD FRIEND

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Unless you’ve specifically requested a household appliance on your list, receiving one from a loved one may seem like a kick in the teeth – especially if it’s one that encourages a cleaner house!

However, if you must get a vacuum for Christmas (or you’re just treating the hired help) then why not look absolutely fabulous as you suck up the dust mites diamonds with one of these splendid offerings?

A 3700 Swarovski crystal encrusted version will set you back around £16K, whilst for the really serious cleaner, the 24 carat gold plated beauty is a mere £800K. Roll out that red carpet and get cracking!

FOR TECHIE TYPES

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There’s a lot of money to be splurged on the latest gadgets and futuristic devices for all those tech lovers in the world. Remote controlled household networks, self-drive cars, robotic help – you name it, sci-fi is becoming reality with what is available to the man and women on the street.

But if you want a more discrete, yet useful, stocking filler for the nerd in your life, why not get them a bedazzled USB stick? And not any old bedazzlement, we’re talking 18 carat white gold, diamonds, emeralds, rubies and sapphires – all for a one-time only price of £30,000!

Inspired by Alice in wonderland these 32GB ‘magic mushrooms’ are made by Shawish Geneva, apparently famous for creating the world’s first all-diamond ring. If your budget won’t stretch to £30K, cheaper versions are available for £13,000 – although I’m not sure if they give the full Alice experience, I hear they don’t smoke well…

FOR THE FASHION-CONSCIOUS MAN IN YOUR LIFE

Gillette – the best a man can get. Apparently, if you take note of the advertising. But wet razor sales must have plummeted with the growth (literally!) of beard culture so what better way to encourage a hirsute rich man make his jawline baby-bum soft again than to offer an exclusive razor, with only 99 in existence?

The Zaffiro razor advertises the closest shave, with artificial sapphire blades, 1/10,00th the width of a hair! But at £80,000 I think I’ll stick with a Bic for my legs…

If he’s refusing to shift the beard, you could always jazz up his footwear with these fetching, gangsta-rap bling worthy laces.

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Only ten of these gold (not even sure if it’s real spun gold, and does that mean 10 or 5 pairs?) laces are being produced by designer Mr. Kennedy, so he’d be suited and booted within a very exclusive club. Such a bargain at £16,000 a lace…

STATIONARY STOCKING FILLERS

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I love stationary – like, reeaaaallly love it. If anyone has seen the Mighty Boosh, you’ll be familiar with the stationary village. I’d live there, with all the paper and pens and pretty Post-It notes…

But I’d have to draw the line at these two extravagances. Firstly, a pencil that costs £10,000…

Okay, yes it comes with its own little 18 carat white gold carry case and yes, has an in-built sharpener and eraser, and yes it’s crafted from 240 year old wood but c’mon! IT’S A PENCIL!!!

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And finally, for the person who has everything or if your list of unique gifts ran out years ago, why not adorn their paperwork (or lapel) with these 14 carat gold-plated staples? £50 for a set of 24. Yes, 24 thin slivers of metal that keep things in order. In a velvet box. Obviously.

So which would you buy or be happy to have in your own stocking this year? Whatever your desires, wherever and with whoever you’re spending the Christmas period, I hope it’s kind to you and yours – remember time is the best present you can give anyone.

Merry Chrimble everyone and all that jazz – and thanks for reading!

“Thanks to Haylee for doing her second “Haylee Says…” post – check out her awesome blog!”

ALOADABOBBINS: A Faddy female with too much hair...

ALOADABOBBINS: A Faddy female with too much hair…

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