Apparently I Should Be A Crispy Pancake With Square Eyes And No Penis By Now

Lies you were told as kids

I’m sure that I’m not the only one who was told lies by adults when I was young!

Probably the most common one I got told was that if I kept eating too much of the same thing then I’d turn into that particular food. Therefore I should be a Findus Crispy Pancake by now – the mince beef flavour, of course.

Lies! I’m now neither crispy nor a pancake.

Whenever I watched too much television or played too much video games I was told that I would get square eyes.

More lies! Even although these days I struggle to keep my eyes open to even watch television they are most definitely not square! An interesting and weird fact about eyeballs, however, is that they are the same size today as they were when you were born. Weird, right?

Anyway, this has made me think about other lies I was told…

(1) If you play with it too much then it will fall off – it hasn’t, thank God!

(2) The “bad man” will come and get you – I feel that more specifics would have kept me safer.


(3) The quicker you go to sleep, the quicker it will be morning – I’m sorry, but no one can change time.


(4) If you swallow chewing gum you will die or worse – a bit harsh I thought!


(5) Stop picking your nose or your head will cave in – nope, it’s still enact and there’s nothing better than a good pick!


(6) You’ll go to Hell if you tell lies – yet to be proved or otherwise but judging by the previous there will be a lot of adults from my past there too!


(7) I’ll think about it – blatent lie, the answer was only always ever going to be the same…


(8) Wow, that painting is really, really good – no, they were all shit but well done – this is an example of a nice lie!


(9) Let’s play a game called “see who can be quiet for the longest” – not a game!


What about you? What lies were you told? Let me know in the comments below or send me a tweet @stevesays2014