It Wasn’t Quite On My Bucket List But It’s Happened Anyway…

41G9WA5NRDL._SX466_I recently went on another little trip and I have had an unwanted, first time and hopefully last time for everything, definitely not on my bucket list experience…

Let me start at the beginning as it just seems that after the beginning there was a chain reaction of catastrophes. Minor catastrophes in the grand scheme of things but all the same – it wasn’t the best of times.

It all started in the security area at the airport which I usually find very unstressful. I have my system and it works. I don’t empty anything out of my bags or jacket until the very second that I have my plastic trays. From that second it’s like a military operation – bag and jacket in one tray, iPad, laptop, belt and watch and all other stuff from pockets in the second. Bish, bash, bosh and it takes less than 30 seconds and I don’t hold anyone up.

This time, however, the security lady kept whisking away my tray as soon as I put anything in it and this threw my system out and I got taken aback. After thinking everything was sorted I walk through the security checkpoint and surprise, surprise it beeped. Now, this usually happens to me so I wasn’t too fussed but this time it was because I had forgotten to take my belt off. I always take my belt off so I feel the blame here lies with the lady for confusing me so I then proceeded to be semi-molested by a short, bald man.

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I think I would always keep a metal item on my body if I was guaranteed it was this guy on security

The short bald man also makes me take off my trainers to reveal a big hole in my striped socks and puts my belt and trainers into another tray.

THIS IS NOT “THE THING THAT WASN’T QUITE ON MY BUCKET LIST BUT IT’S HAPPENED”

Once the molestation was over I get to the other side and pick up my trays and start checking everything. Bag – check. Jacket – check. iPad, shoes, belt and other bits and pieces – check. Laptop – fuck!

I need to go back over and ask someone! I need to look after my stuff! So, there was bit of this going on…

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I eventually get everything together and flag down a member of staff and he speaks to another person and there’s some nodding and I heard one of them say check the ID so I start to feel a little relieved. My laptop is handed over to me and I was told someone had put an empty tray on top of it. Again, I blame the previous lady who I shall now call Mrs Upset My System Bitch.

THIS IS ALSO NOT “THE THING THAT WASN’T QUITE ON MY BUCKET LIST BUT IT’S HAPPENED”

I calm down again so let’s get some back story on the next item. I’ve recently realised that I’m doing “old people things” with the latest being carrying a comb! So, before I left the house I put my comb in my back  pocket. Now, this isn’t just any comb – it is referred to as “the comb” since it was purchased in Salou, 2007 on the first holiday that Greg and I ever went on together. I stupidly decided to take it with me on my latest travel and at some point in the airport I realised I didn’t have it. My immediate thought wasn’t “damn, I’ve lost “the comb”” but more “shit, I need to buy a new comb” so once I get all my bags and stuff sorted at security I trotted off to the shop to pick up a comb.

And I did. I picked up a comb and proceeded to the checkout to pay for it by using my credit card which was in my wallet that I DIDN’T HAVE. Arggggggh! Panic stricken I open every pocket, pouch, compartment of my bag and jacket which resulted in glasses cases, iPhone chargers and duty free cigarettes from my recent vacation flying out in every direction. Alas, no wallet…

Still attempting to think logically I hope that since my laptop went AWOL at security maybe my wallet did too? So, off I go back to security with cables sticking out of my bag being caught in my slipstream. Please let it be there, I was thinking.

When I get there, I stand at the end of the area and as I am about to try to get a member of staff’s attention something happens…

THIS IS “THE THING THAT WASN’T QUITE ON MY BUCKET LIST BUT IT’S HAPPENED”

“bing bong, attention please – could Mr Steve McPherson please report to security” was announced over the loudspeaker system.

One of the staff member sees me waving and I point to “the big voice in the sky” and say “that’s me, that’s me”. The man that had previously given me back my laptop comes over to me with my wallet and smiles and asks me if there was anything else I had forgotten. I almost asked him if he’d seen a yellow comb…

What an experience and I still blame Mrs Upset My System Bitch!

After a large glass of wine in the departure lounge I could start to see the humour of it all and my thoughts turned back to “the comb” and thought I would have some fun…

I put out a social media request on Facebook…

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The post had comments such as “we will be out combing the streets tonight” and “wow, it’s like Comb Alone: Lost In Aberdeen”. This made me laugh.

I’m always a firm believer/dreamer in that every story has an eventual happy ending. When I finally got to my hotel room and started unpacking my hold luggage, this happened…

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It’s probably best that I don’t go on to share the fact that I confused my debit card with my credit card and successfully managed to block it by typing in the wrong PIN three times or that the key card wouldn’t let me get into my room because I was using a keycard from another hotel that I stayed in previously that I probably should have returned…maybe I should just add a poll to this post to ask the question “should I be allowed to travel on my own ever again?”

What about you? Do you have any funny or stressful airport stories?

 

For more randomness take a look at my Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and YouTube accounts…

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16 thoughts on “It Wasn’t Quite On My Bucket List But It’s Happened Anyway…

  1. Well, I was lucky enough to have a certain sequence of numbers on my ticket and was taken into a room and questioned about absolutely everything from birth to present day! When it is all done the guy says, “Oh heck you’re not a terrorist.” I replied, “I know, all you had to do is ask me, I would have told you and saved us both all this trouble!”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Actually it’s a security thing, it’s no particular set of numbers per say. Apparently they randomly pick each day or every other day or whatever. Then if you happen to be the lucky one to have that set of numbers on your ticket, then they pull you out of line. Oh and they search your bags too. That way they can’t be accused of profiling. I don’t know if all airports do it, but this one did.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I would share a recent airport story but I have abandoned the “friendly skies” for exactly the chaos you outline in your post. That being said years ago I was flying from California back to Pennsylvania when without warning we had what the airlines quietly refer to as “turbulence.”…which in this instance came without warning and with drink in hand (a soda). We dropped so fast it was one of those slow-motion moments where you could see the soda leaving the cup and traveling straight up and completely removed from the glass while we were going straight down. Most of the soda did not return to said glass (quite sticky indeed) but we did return to a cruising altitude instead of a declining one. And of course, right on cue after everyone around me had acquired ashen faces the announcement came on indicating we might come across some “turbulence.” Gee, thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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