A Monday Moan: Wear My Skinny Jeans With Pride? NO!


What makes you moan?

Here are a few of my moans…

Moan One

I can remember the days when going shopping for jeans or trousers was simple, fun even. And now? Now it’s a f***ing big stress fest. The options used to be colour and size. Now for jeans it’s skinny, slim, skinny slim, low cut, low cut skinny, workers, tapered (aka sh*t catchers), low rise, ultra low rise. Shut the f*** up OK! I JUST WANT BLUE JEANS. I have experimented with different options but end up looking like a sad, old person trying to be young i.e. Whitney trying to be Britney (when she was alive obviously) or Dustin trying to be Justin (I just made that up, f***ing genius). Then you have the jeans that aren’t really jeans but basically woman’s leggings. They are called “jeggings” apparently. Very clever.

Jeans + leggings = I can count your pocket change from a mile away never mind see how big/small your d*** is. The words moose and knuckle spring to mind.

The same rules are starting to apply to work trousers. I bought a pair, in a waist size up from normal I hasten to add, yet I still had to take the lift up even one flight of stairs as climbing the stairs was both painful and carried a worry of busting out at the ass.

I guess it’s the fashion and I am out of that game now, if I was ever in but come on clothes shops – cater for us people who neither need to catch their s**t in the cuffs at the bottom of their ankles or want to show the world their penis!

Possibly the worst advert for skinny jeans…EVER!

Moan Two

I like toilet paper. I use it everyday, sometimes more than once, but never at work – I don’t s*** at work (however, that’s another rant). I f***ing hate it when you pop on a new toilet roll to the holder and the inner tube of the new roll is as round as a f***ing square. So, you’re there pulling it off (the toilet paper, wash your filthy mind) and it gets stuck in the holder so you have to try and squash it back into a round form. I don’t have time for that, I have better s**t to do – literally! On the happy occasions where a circle is a circle you can then face the problems of the double-layered paper tearing off in single layers, or worse half single layers. You then have to keep winding it on until it catches up with itself and by the time it has you’ve wasted (in my opinion) a wad of toilet roll that has to be flushed without you even getting a chance to leave your mark on it.

So come on, s**t happens yes but that’s what toilet paper is for so we need you to get it right people!

As for the debate on what way the roll should hang on the holder – paper over, or paper under, I won’t even get into that because it’s quite clearly under o f***ing k?

Knitting a pretty lady to cover the toilet paper doesn’t make the process less gross – OKAY!

Moan Three

WordPress is fab and I’ve lost countless hours on it over the past few months. What’s the deal with The Reader though? It doesn’t show every post from bloggers I follow. I miss some posts. It sometimes skips from 08:05 in the morning to 15:45 in the afternoon and I know for a fact there are posts inbetween! I could possibly miss a really good post and more importantly, other people could be missing one of my f***ing posts. Oh – and how many updates do you make to the site and app per day about a MILLION??

Sort it out WordPress – you very kind and wonderful people (they listen you know…)

Aaaaand relax…

Share your shouty moments with me. Let me know about them in the comments below or tweet me @SteveSays2014