Supermarket carrier bags are essential if you are buying quite a few items am I correct? Yes, so why the f**k when I have a basket full of shopping does the person behind the checkout still ask if I “would like a bag?”. Erm, yeah of course I bloody do – do you expect me to mother f***ing juggle my god damn shopping all the way home?
Perhaps I should get a “bag for life” and keep re-using that but, well, that’s just never going to happen. I actually do re-use the plastic bags I take home anyway which leads me on to another point. Why, oh the f**k why are there always little holes in the bottom of the bag? I tend to re-use these bags to scoop up my cat’s s**t and it really p***es me off when I’ve scooped it up, taken it outside to the bin only to turn back and realise half the cat litter has fallen out through the stupid f***ing little holes. Seriously, it’s like a kitty litter version of Hansel & Gretal’s breadcrumbs. As if I needed to leave a trail back to the litter tray to find it again! It’s easy enough to find my way back because the f***ing smelly log that my cat just laid is still so ripe in the air that it makes your eyes sting. How can something so small, fluffy and cute produce something so toxic.
So, to the manufacturers of plastic carrier bags – less holes please a**holes!
Okay let’s stay with supermarkets. I’m all for good customer service but there is such a thing as “read your customer”. Sometimes at the end of the day when all I want to do is get home, stopping into my local shop is a chore that I want over and done with quickly. What I do not want or need is some f***wit playing 20 questions about how my bloody day was. Less chatting more f***ing packing please….and you’re even doing that wrong just f***ing give me it here and I’ll pack it myself! Plans for the evening? Erm, getting the f*** away from you would be a start.
Read your customer – if they answer your first question with a one word response then end it, end it right there!
There are always customer feedback forms that you can complete and drop in a box and I swear one of these days I’m going to put one in saying “PLEASE INSTALL SELF SERVICE CHECKOUTS”
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